Excerpt from "Life As A Dependent" by Debra Reilly
As college students, our states are limited. If you are in some major that translates into a “job,” or even worse, a “career,” you’re on your own! But, if you are in another major, and worried about your potential future, worry no longer.
It’s here, and it’s at home.
Here are some of the positives of life as a dependent that I’ve experienced, thanks in total part to my kind parents whom I depend on, totally.
It’s just like being on vacation! Minus that you’re job searching.
Being a dependent by definition means your things (excluding a job) are taken care of for you! How nice! Do your best to contribute in the ways you can.
Bills? No thank you! I haven’t had two pennies to rub together since I found a few walking the streets last month when I ventured out of my in-house incarceration (no car+no money=no traveling). I’ll make sure I don’t rack up too many expenses, and you, my lovely parents whom I depend on, can keep on doing what you do best. Supporting me. Thank you.
Food? Where I once had to trouble myself in college with grocery shopping with my parents’ money and cooking in the apartment my parents paid for (thank you again, parents), now, I just simply venture into the domestic cornucopia of my (parents’) kitchen, withdraw desired x food item(s) from the pantry or fridge, and try to portion control. If I’m feeling particularly lazy, I can wait until the set time, ranging from 5-8pm nightly, for dinner to be served. Now, this isn’t a free ride. As a dependent, it would be rude if you didn’t contribute in some fashion. Personally, I help with dishes. My brother and co-dependent likewise helps with dishes and also djs. I am also a particularly good listener, so I contribute my silence to dinners. We all do what we can.
Drinks? You thought you boozed it up in college. Just wait until you’re living at home again! Your parents have spent years building up all kinds of liquors, wines, and beers as gifts that they, in their adult working folly, have not consumed. More likely, they were saving this liquid gold horde until you finally returned home for weeks, months, or even years after college! Don’t disappoint them. After all, you are living at home again. And as it is a sort of domestic all-inclusive resort, you might as well drink up! Be responsible, though. Drink with your parents, or with you siblings, or with a friend. You need to still be sharp for your internet job searches on the sofa/recliner in the morning.
Room! Hey, you’re not homeless (yet!) thanks to your kind parents. As long as you keep job searching, they won’t penalize you with street-side unassistance. Remember your sister’s bed you’ve always coveted? Well, while she dallies in the “real world,” you can take that bed like the dark lord takes blood from a defenseless unicorn in the forbidden forest. Win! Again, though, make sure you are a happy presence. You may be back home, but that doesn’t mean you can act like you were in high school and leave your room/bathroom a mess (or refuse to dust until there’s a small tribe of dust bunnies living under your bed).
Employment! Thought you were s.o.l. being home and making money? There’s one thing that requires zero transportation—being the maid for your (parents’) house! Cleaning your own bathroom, something that used to be expected of you, is something that you suddenly get paid for! Clean your parents’ bathroom and they may just hail you as a saint and give you ten bucks! Do your best not to blow your sudden flowing income. I admit I felt pretty bad accepting money from the people who are already paying for my expenses, but then I reasoned they were doing this so that I could pay for some of my things with “my own” money. They are so kind to give me just a little sense of prideful independence. Thanks, parents. Plus, if you move on to cleaning rooms—i.e. changing and making beds, dusting and vacuuming, perfecting your animal towel origami and chocolate placing—you may build up enough skills to climb the cleaning ladder to a cruise liner! Oh, the possibilities!
You’re closer to home! Where you might have moved away to go to a university, college, or beauty school, suddenly you find yourself a zero minute commute away from home. Sweet! If you ever start to miss your siblings or parental units, simply stop secluding yourself in your room, go downstairs, and be with them. What a luxury!
Being so close to home also gives you the opportunity to get to know your parents. To really, really get to know your parents. Growing up, your parents were too busy raising you to have time for you or their personalities. Now, they have had some time while you were away at college to “be themselves” again. As you are now home 7/7 days of the week, you get to constantly acquaint yourselves with your newly re-personalitied parents. This might even be a great way to be useful! For instance, my dad works late, but my mom often clocks out early (past seven o’clock at night she’s not really able to make any big decisions or operate anything besides a remote). Guess who’s there to stay up late for my dad! This lady! I found myself not only building a stronger relationship with my dad, but also filling a social need. See! Filling a social need! Another way to be helpful as a dependent.
Free gym! Like liquor, your parents have spent years collecting weights, workout machines, and videos. Here’s your chance! Use them all! As you are now tempted daily to eat in excess, this cardio/weight training is likely very necessary. In college, you had the luxury of the slowly-starving diet (yeah! Canned beans for dinner again!), which has gone the way of your high school pants into the distant, trimmer past. You may have also been involved in school sports (intramural or otherwise) or an avid school gymer. All options which are gone. Or, perhaps you weren’t active. Now’s the perfect time while you have tons and tons and tons (literally, it’s all you have) of time to work out. Maintain or re-burn, either way, get pumping, my fellow dependents. Plus, to make yourself useful, you might sell yourself as a personal trainer at home. Give your parents the precious gift of their own health. They’ll love you for that! This also moves you one step closer to becoming their favorite child in their unending gratitude for you getting them into shape.
Free counseling! It can be hard figuring out what you want to do as well as handling the painful process of eking out a niche in the world. That’s where those you depend on come in handy. There’s someone there, unlike your peers in college who were busy asking themselves the same questions, who has his or her stuff figured out and who has known you for a while, so they can help you figure yourself out, such as: me, “what do you mean my communication skills are bad?!?!” Mom, “What did you say? I couldn’t hear you. You were mumbling again.” Also, when you’ve spent another week of applying and getting no replies outside of automated responses, you can go and air your hopeless out to someone: me, “I feel like I’m never going to get a job.” Mom, “You can always go back to school!” With this great counseling service, you can make the important internal progress necessary to make external progress outside of your home, all at no charge and at a moment’s notice. Plus, as your loved ones, they surround you in an environment of love that makes the unexcitement of the world at your skills bearable.
Start bumping up your check-ins now with your parentals; you’ll want your relationship to be at that move-in level. And when you go back home, if you can keep in mind the gift that spending this time with your family is, instead of wallowing in the worry of small things like a job or money, it can be a truly magical state of dependence.
As college students, our states are limited. If you are in some major that translates into a “job,” or even worse, a “career,” you’re on your own! But, if you are in another major, and worried about your potential future, worry no longer.
It’s here, and it’s at home.
Here are some of the positives of life as a dependent that I’ve experienced, thanks in total part to my kind parents whom I depend on, totally.
It’s just like being on vacation! Minus that you’re job searching.
Being a dependent by definition means your things (excluding a job) are taken care of for you! How nice! Do your best to contribute in the ways you can.
Bills? No thank you! I haven’t had two pennies to rub together since I found a few walking the streets last month when I ventured out of my in-house incarceration (no car+no money=no traveling). I’ll make sure I don’t rack up too many expenses, and you, my lovely parents whom I depend on, can keep on doing what you do best. Supporting me. Thank you.
Food? Where I once had to trouble myself in college with grocery shopping with my parents’ money and cooking in the apartment my parents paid for (thank you again, parents), now, I just simply venture into the domestic cornucopia of my (parents’) kitchen, withdraw desired x food item(s) from the pantry or fridge, and try to portion control. If I’m feeling particularly lazy, I can wait until the set time, ranging from 5-8pm nightly, for dinner to be served. Now, this isn’t a free ride. As a dependent, it would be rude if you didn’t contribute in some fashion. Personally, I help with dishes. My brother and co-dependent likewise helps with dishes and also djs. I am also a particularly good listener, so I contribute my silence to dinners. We all do what we can.
Drinks? You thought you boozed it up in college. Just wait until you’re living at home again! Your parents have spent years building up all kinds of liquors, wines, and beers as gifts that they, in their adult working folly, have not consumed. More likely, they were saving this liquid gold horde until you finally returned home for weeks, months, or even years after college! Don’t disappoint them. After all, you are living at home again. And as it is a sort of domestic all-inclusive resort, you might as well drink up! Be responsible, though. Drink with your parents, or with you siblings, or with a friend. You need to still be sharp for your internet job searches on the sofa/recliner in the morning.
Room! Hey, you’re not homeless (yet!) thanks to your kind parents. As long as you keep job searching, they won’t penalize you with street-side unassistance. Remember your sister’s bed you’ve always coveted? Well, while she dallies in the “real world,” you can take that bed like the dark lord takes blood from a defenseless unicorn in the forbidden forest. Win! Again, though, make sure you are a happy presence. You may be back home, but that doesn’t mean you can act like you were in high school and leave your room/bathroom a mess (or refuse to dust until there’s a small tribe of dust bunnies living under your bed).
Employment! Thought you were s.o.l. being home and making money? There’s one thing that requires zero transportation—being the maid for your (parents’) house! Cleaning your own bathroom, something that used to be expected of you, is something that you suddenly get paid for! Clean your parents’ bathroom and they may just hail you as a saint and give you ten bucks! Do your best not to blow your sudden flowing income. I admit I felt pretty bad accepting money from the people who are already paying for my expenses, but then I reasoned they were doing this so that I could pay for some of my things with “my own” money. They are so kind to give me just a little sense of prideful independence. Thanks, parents. Plus, if you move on to cleaning rooms—i.e. changing and making beds, dusting and vacuuming, perfecting your animal towel origami and chocolate placing—you may build up enough skills to climb the cleaning ladder to a cruise liner! Oh, the possibilities!
You’re closer to home! Where you might have moved away to go to a university, college, or beauty school, suddenly you find yourself a zero minute commute away from home. Sweet! If you ever start to miss your siblings or parental units, simply stop secluding yourself in your room, go downstairs, and be with them. What a luxury!
Being so close to home also gives you the opportunity to get to know your parents. To really, really get to know your parents. Growing up, your parents were too busy raising you to have time for you or their personalities. Now, they have had some time while you were away at college to “be themselves” again. As you are now home 7/7 days of the week, you get to constantly acquaint yourselves with your newly re-personalitied parents. This might even be a great way to be useful! For instance, my dad works late, but my mom often clocks out early (past seven o’clock at night she’s not really able to make any big decisions or operate anything besides a remote). Guess who’s there to stay up late for my dad! This lady! I found myself not only building a stronger relationship with my dad, but also filling a social need. See! Filling a social need! Another way to be helpful as a dependent.
Free gym! Like liquor, your parents have spent years collecting weights, workout machines, and videos. Here’s your chance! Use them all! As you are now tempted daily to eat in excess, this cardio/weight training is likely very necessary. In college, you had the luxury of the slowly-starving diet (yeah! Canned beans for dinner again!), which has gone the way of your high school pants into the distant, trimmer past. You may have also been involved in school sports (intramural or otherwise) or an avid school gymer. All options which are gone. Or, perhaps you weren’t active. Now’s the perfect time while you have tons and tons and tons (literally, it’s all you have) of time to work out. Maintain or re-burn, either way, get pumping, my fellow dependents. Plus, to make yourself useful, you might sell yourself as a personal trainer at home. Give your parents the precious gift of their own health. They’ll love you for that! This also moves you one step closer to becoming their favorite child in their unending gratitude for you getting them into shape.
Free counseling! It can be hard figuring out what you want to do as well as handling the painful process of eking out a niche in the world. That’s where those you depend on come in handy. There’s someone there, unlike your peers in college who were busy asking themselves the same questions, who has his or her stuff figured out and who has known you for a while, so they can help you figure yourself out, such as: me, “what do you mean my communication skills are bad?!?!” Mom, “What did you say? I couldn’t hear you. You were mumbling again.” Also, when you’ve spent another week of applying and getting no replies outside of automated responses, you can go and air your hopeless out to someone: me, “I feel like I’m never going to get a job.” Mom, “You can always go back to school!” With this great counseling service, you can make the important internal progress necessary to make external progress outside of your home, all at no charge and at a moment’s notice. Plus, as your loved ones, they surround you in an environment of love that makes the unexcitement of the world at your skills bearable.
Start bumping up your check-ins now with your parentals; you’ll want your relationship to be at that move-in level. And when you go back home, if you can keep in mind the gift that spending this time with your family is, instead of wallowing in the worry of small things like a job or money, it can be a truly magical state of dependence.