I remember the first girl I kissed She pressed her lips to mine like whispering a secret that was only for me And I thought boys don’t kiss like this no invitation, no command only a murmured greeting in the hall of our Catholic school
Just like that I was a lesbian A sparkling sapphist walking arm and arm with Jane Addams and Melissa Etheridge No one ever asked me Everyone thought they knew All I ever understood was that, that kiss lingered on my lips long after I stood in that hallway
To the first girl I kissed thank you for sharing your secret
The first man I brought to my bed could’ve used a map But I didn’t mind I was so in love with what I thought was love I never noticed the Rainbow police tearing up my membership to the queer table I never knew that 20 minutes could change who everyone thought I was
My mother so relieved she could say “Lauren has a boyfriend!” because this phase had gone on too long The girls I’d marched at Pride with now always busy Holding hands suddenly seemed a betrayal of all those whose hands I’d been too afraid to take in mine
In the end he wasn’t forever but he was the first I didn’t want to take back
And to the person I really love the one beside me now I wouldn’t give you up for anything I just hate that loving you Means rejecting a part of myself
Because if I marry you it’s easy When I worked so hard for another future that people still see as up for debate
I wonder why people can’t see me outside of us As if being with you erases the other pieces
Because no one can believe in bisexuality outside of a threesome A constant state of confusion Always everything and nothing all at once Because I can’t exist if no one can see me And they call me a whore because my love Won’t fit in a binary Because if they actually tried to understand they’d have to admit that love isn’t simple
My love isn’t simple My love crosses boundaries expectations and spectrums My love is beautiful My love is me
To all of the people I have loved or will love thank you for letting me be me Thank you for letting Schrodinger’s bisexual out of the box